Hey everyone.
I wanted to keep you in the loop a little bit.

Yesterday I was supposed to go into my 11th week of pregnancy. Last week at a 10 week scan I was told the fetus only measured 5 weeks, 3.5mm and no heartbeat. At this point I had no bleeding (except for tiny dark coloured after sex - tmi!) and my HCG hormone levels read 34377, which is a little bit low for 10 weeks but I was reassured that was fine. Well, obviously, teamed with the scan it wasn't 'fine'.

I still have ALL pregnancy symptoms. In my full term pregnancies I have had no bad nausea, breast tenderness or pains and aches, they've been quite smooth sailing.

This time I was bed bound from 6 weeks with fatigue and nausea (weird, considering, fetus apparently had already stopped growing when my symptoms started!)

Today at my scan they said it measured the same, possibly only 3mm, with a sac size of 16mm. Still no heartbeat.

Last time I only saw dark outlines and no baby, on this scan I saw its body and head. For the past week I've had period type bleeding with loads of small clots. But they informed me that the baby should have started to break up, but it looked completely fine in there. So the midwife couldn't explain the clots.

They diagnosed it as a missed miscarriage.

I asked for a blood test, which they did and I am currently waiting for the results, then I got a scan for next week again.

Even though I naturally want to try again and clean out my uterus, something inside me aren't 100% convinced. And I'm someone who don't even take paracetamol, so the thought of having an 'abortion' pill or surgery to clean out freaks me out. It's not healthy or natural.

Either way, I've decided to wait until all results are back and next week, have a feel what I want to do. But I'm not rushing anywhere just yet!

I know most people don't talk about miscarriages but personally nothing is really 'taboo' for me. Most people who have more than one child will go through a miscarriage, and 50% of the time they won't even know.

This is my second miscarriage, I also went through one before I got pregnant with Eden. That was quickly over in a day at 6 weeks. That time around I was much more sad. It's still heartbreaking, of course. This was our first planned baby after all and it didn't go to plan for even one bit! But the fact I might have had a dead fetus inside me for 6 weeks, literally just wants me to get it out and start fresh.

So yeah, this is why I've been a bit distracted, but hopefully it'll go alright next time.

I was going to do a Youtube video on my channel about miscarriages once this one is fully over, I know it's helped me a lot reading about people who've gone through the same.

Until next time...

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